I wandered through the night alone. Always alone. Searching nightly for prey, feeding held nothing for me save nourishment. The softness of this coat offered me nothing save warmth. I longed for a time passed that gave me laughter, love, and life. A time when it meant something to share a meal with the man I loved. His existence gave me reason for living. Yet, one's being should never be based upon that of another. This was the proof. However, this was beyond my control. When souls connect, there is little that can be done to stop them.
When Darren died, I lost myself. His death left my soul as wounded as the prey that I stalk now. Fatally. The plan had been to end my suffering after months of trudging through and loathing my own existence. The previous activities that seemed routine and monotonous, actually held more luster beneath than I had thought. Sitting and drinking coffee had been just that. Yet, when he was gone, the realization of what it actually was-sharing serene moments and connecting with love-hit hard. Had I known what was happening, I would have looked beyond the mundane into the eyes of our souls.
When I could no longer take it, I decided that life was not worth living alone and I knew no one could replace Darren. Taking my own life had been the easy part. It was the transformation from the earthly world into the world of the Middle. I was in limbo. I had wanted to die. I wanted it to end. Yet, here I was. Stuck in a more baneful existence.
Time passed. How much, I had no idea. But, with a heave and a push, my soul vibrated and moved through the eye of a needle. Pain surfaced where once the hope of feeling had been lost. I awoke to a new sound. A new light. The birds chirped happily through the woods. The sun, a bright noon yellow, bathed me in warmth. Too warm. I looked down to find furry paws. I hauled myself up wary of this odd new feel. The lake offered a glimpse into who I had become.
I was Wolf. Dizzied from the truth of it all. I laid back down to contemplate my new skin. Sadness poured in. Why was I being punished so? Had Darren's death not been suffering enough for me? A hawk encircled me overhead. Landing next to me, it spoke. "This is your new world. You are Wolf. What you do with your second chance is up to you, but it serves you well to use it wisely." And away it fled.
Coming to grips with this knowledge held nothing for me. Without Darren, I needed no new chances. And here I am today...hunting and killing. Loathsome of this being as I had been of the previous. Then, I saw. This one buck. He was strong and beautiful. I hungered for his flesh, although I wasn't sure why. I had never been so strongly bound to a meal.
The chase broke.
He was swift and cunning, but I was faster. I pounced. My fangs ripped into his flesh. The taste of his blood rejuvenated me. His power filled me. I knew this feeling. It was the feeling I felt every time Darren and I were together. As I finished devouring the life force and musculature of this strong, comely creature, I felt empowered. Refreshed and renewed. Then, I heard it.
His voice. His soul. The buck had been the carrier of Darren's soul. As my wolf form incorporated the meal into my being, we became one. Two souls, one body. Life was worth living again.
What are your thoughts? Would you like to be one with your soul?
© Tania Dakka and Chaotic Musing, 2011