The crisp sunlight blinded me as I walked to class. The freshness in the air filled my lungs and energized me. The vibe of youth, courage, and education that only can be found on a college campus encompassed me. I loved being there. I never wanted to leave. Education was my life. Lack of learning leads to stagnation. Learning is life. Until I met him.
Then, the world as I knew it changed.
We were inseparable. We arranged our classes together. We lived and breathed each other. Class became a passage of time. A chance for us to pretend to be part of the outside world. Or so I thought.
Yet, we were on a path to self-destruction. He stopped asking to see me every day. He stopped yearning to be by my side as he had. Now, he had turned cold. He was ice. His fire no longer burned for me. The pain of that reality pushed me to the brink. Why had he bothered with me? Just to play a game? How could anyone be so cold and cruel? I was dying inside. My education had suffered.
My grades arrived at home as we returned for summer break. Fail. I failed my semester. I wrecked my college career for the face of a boy who had not been worth the slime that flowed through streets into the sludge filled drains.
With reckless abandon, I hit the road. Top down, music blaring. Yearning for solitude. I longed for peace with what had become of my life. A deer charged across the road. Brakes locking. Tires squealing on the blacktop. I swerve. Mistake.
My car upside down in the ditch, I now see things clearly. I had allowed myself to be distracted. To be a toy. No chance left to go back to who I was. Too late for regrets. Too late for sorrow. Now there is peace.
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© Tania Dakka and Chaotic Musing, 2011