Another Element that comes to play in Self is Parent. Even if you don't become one, chances are, you are close to a child. This Facet of Self is unique as it holds us in responsibility to a being of Other. It is not only Self to which we are responsible. This is an integral part of transforming our Chaos into Cosmos. Another connection to be made.
Raising Self-Accepting Children
In order to raise children that love and accept themselves, we have to invest time. Not money. We have to form connections to them on the Soul-ular level, not just the cellular level. The connections that we form within Self can help empower the children in our lives to be connected at an early age to Self and to Other. Imagine raising a Self and Socially aware child. A child that needs not struggle connecting the Facets of Self that we have struggled to connect. That is amazing.
So, we are stepping outside of our own Chaos today in order to bring Order to Other's Chaos. In doing so, we will bring together another Element of Self.
Are you ready?
In most societies outside of the West, family is treasure. Coal is cultivated and diamonds emerge. Too many children are disconnected from any form of caring adult in this part of the world. And too many adults don't know how to express the feelings that they do have.
The Parenting by Connection Remedy
It is a means of showing children how important they really are. By investing that time and energy in them, they don't just survive, they thrive. This type of parenting is not for the faint of heart, however. It takes us stepping up and digging down deep into our cores to bring back the child that we once were in order to connect with the child that we hold in our arms.
What was it that you wanted as a child? What was it that you craved and needed as if it were a heroin addiction?
You needed love. Love, affection, and understanding. Through Parenting by Connection, children are received openly and unabashedly.
Is this limitless parenting?
On the contrary. When children feel connected and respected, they reciprocate. They respect and connect.
Put on your army boots
This method is tough. Very tough. It means putting on a smile when you have had people yelling and screaming at you all day. It means forgetting that you needed to get some work done when Damon took Izabella's toy. It means, you become a MINDFUL PARENT.
You thought I was going to get off of that soap box, didn't you? Ha! Fooled you :D
Being a mindful parent allows you to concentrate on the whys and wherefores and let's you put child first again. Oh, and if you have more than one, you will be exhausted by lunch after one morning of this. However, the key is to remember that you are giving Self and Other precious gifts that will intertwine and give you back treasure troves of jewels.
You are not expected to struggle and fight through this alone. True Parenting by Connection requires a listening partner. This is 100% necessary. After exhausting your emotional supply because you have just emptied it into your children, you need someone to refill it. And it gets refilled when we are given the same of what have just spent. Attention. Love. Understanding.
Thus, we must call on yet another being of Other to help us through. Hm. Interesting how we need each other, isn't it?
There are four tools to this parenting method and they are all invaluable. Without getting too bogged down in detail, they are: Special Time, Playlistening, Staylistening, and Setting Limits. As a user of said techniques, it is truly amazing to see them work.
The other day, my oldest came home from summer learning camp and a teacher had fussed at her. Well, not really fussed, but raised her voice. My darling was going out of the front door of a building which opens to a very busy highway. The woman yelled her name. My daughter automatically thought the woman was mad. She got her feelings hurt. (She is sensitive like her mom.:D) LOL Anyway, when I picked her up, she was devastated. She could only cry when I got her. And as the Hand in Hand Parenting website suggests, I just let her do it. I didn't try to make her feel better by diminishing the situation. I acknowledged her feelings, told her I loved her, and let her respond to each statement I made. This went on for almost 45 minutes. In the end of it all, she worked through and cried through the hurt feelings, rather than bottled them inside for later. She felt connected to me and happy that she could bring me her hurt to me to help her through it. That was a good feeling. The connection. One of my Elements of Self connected to Other. And thus connected me.
This is the goal. To combine the Elements of Self to Order Chaos into Cosmos...
What can you do to connect to the small Other in your life? What priceless gift can you give them today? Let me know in the comments below:) Check out handinhandparenting.org and let's talk...
© Tania Dakka and Chaotic Musing, 2011